Snow Day

It snowed today! Like, legitimate SNOW :)
School was dismissed at lunch so the only four classes I had to get through were basically blow offs! Every teacher (except Mrs. Reed, of course) let us go play in the snow. Then the seniors went to Cici's for lunch and that was ok, I guess. But then I came home to a white-covered lawn and played for like 2 hours! I had a snow ball fight with my daddy, made a snow angel, and made freddy, my awesome snow man who still currently exists :)
It's not that I haven't seen snow before it just that it's HERE. Houston has some of the most bipolar weather EVER!

Senioritis

Tired of faith west. Tired of high school. Tired of busywork. Tired of projects. Tired of threats. Tired of uniforms. Tired of drama. Tired of costumes. Tired of midterm reviews. Tired of math. Tired of 6 freaking 45 in the morning. Tired of ac in the winter and heater in the summer. Tired of diarrhea-colored paint. Tired of sound systems that don't work. Tired of carpool. Tired of late bells. Tired of student parking lots. Tired of chapel. Tired of announcements. Tired of pledges. Tired of Bible class. Tired of teachers who don't know how to teach. Tired of lunch tables. Tired of crappy bathrooms. Tired of intercoms. Tired of Katy.

Bring on college!!!!

Sunshine Song? Yes please!

I have officially found a redeemable factor in working on Sundays.
I still don't like working on what's meant to be a day of rest but when I do have to, I've found a little joy in it.
A few weeks ago Marcy (my boss) threw this huge hissy fit about people getting to work before we open on the weekends (something I've always done but some people just can't seem to do). So I made sure to leave even earlier than usual, bringing with me a packed lunch to eat in the car since it messed with my lunch schedule. I got to the store parking lot and Marcy wasn't even there so instead of parking in my spot and waiting like a creeper, I drove down to the park just behind the store and had myself a little pick nick. It was so relaxing and such a nice day. So I've decided that I'll be doing that every Sunday that I have to work. I'll sit in my car when it's too cold or raining. But I enjoyed the nice day even if the park brought back memories I've been trying to repress. Not because they're bad or painful memories at all. Simply because it would make life so much harder to remember them.
Monday I got my acceptance letter to SU! It came in this wonderfully gold folder. It's so pretty and clean and wonderful, just how I expected it. Of course the first thing I did after I opened it and called everyone was go to the campus store website and order a buttload of merchandise! Part of my Christmas present :) So, it's safe to say that I'm officially a pirate! Such a good ring to it, huh? And I got scholarship money which of course my parents are happy about.
Tuesday two amazing things came out: Up, and Jason Mraz's Beautiful Mess. I haven't seen Up since the theaters and I want to watch it with my mom so I've been putting that one off but it's definitely sitting on my bed wishing I would put it in. But I did watch Jason. It's a dvd of his concert in Chicago but the funny thing is that it's the exact line up of songs that he played when he was here so it was like i was rewatching the concert I'd already attended. IT WAS AMAZING. I love him so much, you have no idea. He is such an incredible artist. If I ever met Jason Mraz, I would marry him on the spot, no questions asked...if he asked me. Such an awesome guy...
Wednesday has been good. We watched a few scenes from Grease in Bible today and I have definitely had the song stuck in my head ALL DAY. But it was nice to take a break from discussing to watch something that definitely isn't "faith west approved."
The week ahead?
Tomorrow mom and I are heading to Charming Charlie's after school...just because ;)
Friday...I don't have plans. I better end up doing something fun though.
Saturday I work all day and then I'm headed to the play off game. We're district champs and we beat beaumont and supposedly we'll beat these guys...STATE BOUND BABY!
Sunday...I think I work Sunday...which means the park!

Only eight more days until I see my best friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mawige is what bwings us togever todayee

It's amazing the conversations that come up at school. You wouldn't believe some of the things these sheltered private school kids come up with. Granted, I'm one of them. But today I sort of stood out of all of it and looked at my friends who were so enthralled in what's being said and noticed for the first time in twelve years how ridiculous we look.
I want to know what will happen to me when I'm not in my private school bubble. I'm certainly not the innocent kid I was a few years ago and I'm most definitely "damaged goods" but the main thing is that I've never had to make new friends...not really. Everyone I know has known me for a long time and they all get me. What am I going to do when I'm surrounded by strangers? Which brings me to my next point. In bible class we're talking about marriage which of course gets me wondering who will I marry? When I was little I always saw myself marrying on of my friends from school, someone I would have known for forever and who would have been part of my childhood. Freshman year, I saw myself marrying someone like Jack, if not Jack. He's a great guy and I couldn't imagine being treated any better...until Jeremy came. And then from that point till two months ago I was convinced he was the one. But now, who's left? I see the boys at my school as brothers. How can I not? I've grown up with all of them. And I will not marry Jack...for many reasons. But that's not to say that he's not a great guy. And clearly, Jeremy's out of the picture. That only leaves someone I'll meet at school...But the thing is, Southwestern may be Methodist but I have a feeling that the majority of the students who go there don't care about faith. I may be wrong but that's just how it seems to me. So how am I supposed to find a good Christian guy who loves Jesus in a very liberal school in a very liberal part of the state? Ugh. I'm too young to be worrying about all this but I can't help that it's in the back of my mind...
I'm sorry for ranting so much. I looked back at some previous posts and realized that I sure do talk alot...Oh well :)

Streaming by in blurs of color

four months from today I will officially be an adult.
High school has gone by so fast and I have the feeling that college will too. It's quite sad but I know it's true.
Today everyone had school pictures and, thankfully, seniors don't have to take them. Instead we get to wear hideous black things that make us look ridiculous. I'd much rather have Mr. Barker take my photo in the nursery of the main building like he has for the past eleven years, but no.
In other news, I got a B on my precal test. I haven't seen it yet so I don't know if I should be disappointed in myself or happy...We shall see.
William was really sweet to me today for the first time all year. I'd forgotten what that's like. He's making my life much harder than it has to be.
I found out something today about one of my friends. From their mouth too so I know it's true. You think you know someone...I'm just amazed sometimes about how in-genuine some people can be. It's quite disappointing.
Why can't everyone feel the way I do about honesty?

Mondays, I hate Mondays...Weekends, I look for the weekends!

One word: precal.
I actually have an a in the class right now but only because I've gone to math lab every day and worked my butt off. We have a test tomorrow and I feel like I should be doing more but I've completed my folder, corrected everything, and done every odd review question over the sections we're testing over tomorrow and checked them with the answers in the back of the book. I think I might actually know what I'm doing this time...Which is completely scaring me that I'm forgetting something. I'm asking everyone for prayers so if you're thinking about me anywhere from 10:45 to 11:35 tomorrow morning, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. It's only by God's grace that I made a b in the nine weeks last term and I'd really really love to make an a or at least a high b for this term. If I can make an a on this test, I'll keep my 93.
I know my parents are proud of me no matter what but I was not happy with my report card. I got straight B's. It was mostly because I've been so focused on doing decently in precal that I've neglected my other subjects but I'd really REALLY like to get back to all A's. I know I can do better than this past nine weeks.
My dad said that my grades don't really matter any more and that I should stop worrying about them. I can't help it. I need the goal to get me through the rest of the school year.
No House tonight. Stupid baseball.

Celebration, Pitty Parties, and Self Control

I got a B in precal! Don't know how I managed it, but I have an 81 on my report card! All I know is that it was totally God and not me. I know I couldn't have done that on my own...
Also, Best Friend is coming home on Friday to make t shirts for the New Moon midnight premier!! Get excited! I want to reread the book but since New Moon is the most sad of the four and considering what happened two months ago, it may not be the best idea. Hysterics probably wouldn't be convenient.
There's not much else to report except that I can't tell you enough how amazing paramore's cd is.
Also, William is slowly being erased from my list. It was never a list but that's the only metaphor I could think of while running on this much sleep. (long night studying for apgov test) It's not that I like him it's that I could like him but I know that it wouldn't be fair to either of us for me to be that way and I think for the first time in almost 18 years now I'm beginning to control myself. Hopefully. No more falling blindly. Look how that turned out.
I miss having someone to talk to that wanted to talk to me back. That part was nice. And having someone to take care of too.
Ok. I need to stop.
The End.
Also, Ainsley is six months old today!!!

What I learned today

So here's what I learned today:
1. I can do pre cal but not algebra
2. I can throw a mean punch to the stomach and enjoy it but...
3. I can't run faster than Will
4. Oakley's look amazing on me
5. Marcy wishes I were her daughter
6. Certain people look better in a Best Buy uniform than others
7. The rules of Sprite Pong (the private school version of beer pong)
8. Haley is an AMAZING fake cryer
9. I should NEVER try to drive to Marin's at night
10. I belong to the weirdest senior class EVER

Christmas in NY?!?!?!

Today has been a really good day! :)
Everyone had PSATs today so seniors didn't have to come to school till noon and then we just goofed off the rest of the day. I stayed for math lab because we have a quiz tomorrow and I'm a bit confused but I think I got it...hopefully.
After school I went out to my car and W and Chase and Kristina were chillin out there so I joined them and then returned something to the office with W who proceeded to send a text to C saying "i just want to be friends and i'm not attracted to you so leave me alone."
Don't worry.
I hit him.
We're going to New York for Christmas!
Well, not for Christmas. Every year my parents take me and my Best Friend on a trip during Christmas break and this year it's pretty much decided that we're going to New York! Which means I get to be there while the Rockefeller Christmas tree is up!!!! You have no idea how excited I am!!!!! And my dad asked for a list of shows that should we go to NY, I would want to see!!!
AND Glee comes on tonight!
Man, Wednesday's are the best.

Modern Day Jonah

I think I lost my head this week. To think that I even had a chance with that guy is ridiculous. I lost sight of my goal already and I've only been single for two months now, what the heck was I thinking? Can I not have guy friends without thinking it's something more?
My life is a mess. God, come help me clean!!!
I think I just keep loosing sight of God. I get close, and then back up, get close and back up. Maybe that's normal. After all, I'm a sinner and sin separates us from God's love. Or maybe I'm just a huge idiot.
According to my Pre Cal grade, it's the second one.
I cried in class again today. That makes three classes in a row.
I want to back up time to a certain part of Saturday night and stay there.
Or I just want to go to an all girls school and become a nun. I think I'll do that.
C won't leave me alone. STILL.
And W is either in a bad mood, or is repelled. I wouldn't be surprised by either. I'm giving up for a week.
If I guy wants me, he'll act like he wants me. I'm glad I read He's just NOT that into you. I didn't think any of it would ever apply to me. I thought I would never have to date again. Yet, here I am.
I can't wait till Best Friend comes home! She can't even spend the night but I'll just be happy to hang with her! I need a constant in my life.
More and more today I realized how often I try to back away from what God wants me to do. And then He shows me that I'm not doing what He wants and I try to follow His path and then just end up like Jonah.
Where's my fish?

Pre Caculus is the spawn of satan and should die a dark, lonley death in the firey pits of the darkest circles of hell

This week I will be receiving my first c on a report card ever. that's what i get for driving away my handy dandy tutor. I broke the rules today and asked him for a recipe but i doubt he'll answer. I just need to know that he's ok. Also, I miss his yummy delicious burritos.
Pre Cal is kicking my butt. So not only will I have a c at the end of this quarter, I won't have any a's. Of course, the c will count as a b and the b's will count as a's GPA wise but still. It's a total blow to my confidence. And it ruins my chances of high honor roll for four consecutive years. And I think it blows my chances of honor roll too...great. I freaking HATE math!!!!!!!!!
The thing is, I'm going to go to college and get a BA in something that only requires two semesters of college algebra and then I will NEVER touch higher level mathematics again! WHY ON EARTH IS PRE CALCULUS NECESSARY!?!?!?! UGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
ok i'm done venting.
meanwhile i'm pretty sure my HC date, Christian, likes me. And this other kid, Will, the one who saved my night. The thing is, I'm not ok with Christian liking me but I am ok with Will. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dating till college. It won't happen. It's not fair to any guy I could be interested in if I'm still hung up on Jeremy. Which I'm still trying to get over. But until that day comes, no boys.
ANYWAYS, that's my life. Not to mention the three projects and two tests I have this week. And i work thursday through tuesday. whoopeeyyyyy.

I'm finishing Issiah this week. Any thoughts on what book I should start next?

It's been too long...

It's been a long time, I know. School is crazy, as it is every year. I don't think teachers realize that we have other classes besides theirs. And on top of other classes we have lives and college crap to deal with. But I have time to write now so I think I will :)
I'm good, thanks for asking! Well, my allergies are killing me again this year but I've managed to keep breathing which is a complete upgrade from last year. My voice has been going in and out though which might be a sign that my vocal cords are deciding to hate me again. we'll see...
Homecoming is this week and I'm crazy excited! I have the most beautiful dress and I asked Christian so I know I'll have fun! We're going with Joey and Shealynn and hopefully a whole bunch of other people so that'll be great :) I just don't want to eat at iHop which is where Joey wants to go. I'm going with Chili's I think! This week will be amazing. The only bad thing is that I have a pre cal test Wednesday but other than that, I'm livin it up!
I've spent so much more time hanging out with friends than I have since junior high. It feels nice to be able to spend time with people besides my parents and family.
Speaking of which, Ainsley is the most adorable thing ever made! She grows more and more every time I see her and she's continuously laughing and smiling and giggling. She is such a joy in my life and I'm so glad to have her during this time.
Also, I've officially sent in my application to Southwestern University. It is now out of my hands and into the admissions' people's. and God's of course. I have no doubt that I'll get in and if I don't, it'll be a surprise. My grades and scores are good enough. They just have to like me and I sincerely hope they will. I'm extatic about being a Pirate! and Chase got accepted to Concordia in Austin so I'll have a friend nearby which is a total relief.
As for Jeremy? We aren't talking. About a week ago, we decided it'd be better for both of us not to talk for at least a year. Well, i decided that because he wasn't talking to me so I said maybe when I get up there and he never responded. I hope he's doing well.
I've thought of half a dozen things that I'd like to tell him and it's hard to refrane but knowing that he doesn't care and wouldn't answer me anyways helps to resist texting or messaging him. Honestly, I do feel better without him but it still SUCKS butt being single. I'll get over it though.
If I learn anything this year it's that I don't need a guy to complete me.

Week Update

failing pre-cal + heavy work week + tons of homework + an exboyfriend who practically hates me and i don't understand why = STRESS

I've been exhausted all week. I have had sooo much stupid-butt homework assigned this week, it's not even funny. They're basically sending home busywork and pointless reading assignments. Not to mention I have to write a paper in Bible! What the heck!?
Work's been either REALLY busy or REALLY boring. Basically from now until Christmas, I'll be working in the back which I'm totally fine with. I only mess up at work when I'm interacting with customers. They intimidate me...or maybe it's just that my boss watching over my shoulder after over a year intimidates me. Either way, the back is where I belong. I'm the fastest organizer/finder of homes for new toys at Learning Express Katy. But today we got 45 boxes which doesn't sound like that much but trust me, when there's, like, a dozen things in each box, it all adds up. When I worked on Tuesday, we had gotten 75 boxes and it took me most of my shift to finish. We'll only receive more until Christmas.
My boss made us fill out a test/questionnaire type thing on the September catalog. That was intense. It was three pages of how to sell the new products along with the items that haven't been selling well. My boss is going to read them tonight and basically grade them. It just felt like more busywork to me.
Tomorrow is Friday and Friday's are my new favorite days. They are the last day of the school week so you can see the light of the weekend ahead but you're still hanging out with all your friends. Not to mention that Seniors (CLASS OF 10) get to wear jeans on Fridays AND go off campus for lunch! I know, it sounds silly to be excited about wearing jeans to school but when you've been in ill fitting uniforms for 11 years, jeans once a week feels AMAZING.
I'm still coping with losing him. It's hard to say his name both out loud and in my head. Not physically hard but more that I don't say it because it'll send waves of unpleasant memories and knowledge through me. I'm getting better every day. The most painful thing is that I can't let go until I know what I did to make him not want me anymore. So we've been talking, me trying to get into his head. He's hard to understand sometimes in the first place but when he's someone I don't even know, it's harder. I just don't understand how he could change so drastically and so against his character SO SUDDENLY. That's what's confusing. That's what's making everything so hard. It's not like the boy I knew to love me one second and then have no feelings for me whatsoever the next. He was the one that took forever to tell me he loved me because he wanted to make sure that's really what he felt. And then all the sudden it's gone? That just doesn't happen. And that just doesn't happen to him.
I want him back. But not the boy that I broke up with. The boy I fell in love with to begin with. I know he doesn't feel the same but part of me believes that I can show him he's wrong. That I can change his mind. That everyday without me, he's one step closer to coming back to me. But I try not to allow myself to think those things. I know that I can't hope him back into my life. I know that he doesn't feel that way about me and probably never will. But that hope is still there. I can't help it.
Until next time