As I've said before, my parents may be a handful but they are really great. They've instilled in me, what I believe, to be the proper morals, values, and life lessons to prepare me for the real world in a year. I love them dearly but they have and do make mistakes raising me and my sisters. As a teenager, I (of course) have a list of things I will NEVER do to my children that my parents did to me (substitute teaching at my school, making decisions and judgments without hearing me out first, being overbearing). I also have a list of things that I LOVE that they did and hope to do with my children. But this particular blog concerns a particular issue I have with a particular aspect of how my parents raised me.
Let me start by saying that my mom (and her twin sister) were adopted by my grandparents as babies and have never even attempted to reach their birth parents because, in all honesty, they had no reason to. If these people really wanted to find their two beautiful daughters, they would have done it by now but since it's been 52 years without contact, there really haven't been any issues. My dad is either the oldest or youngest of, I believe, four. (For reasons private (unpublishable) we don't keep in contact with my father's family and so I only have limited knowledge of that area.) So when my parents decided to have kids, the genetic makeup would be sort of a surprise since we had no clue of my mother's family background. On the other hand, the women in my dad's family were said to be very pretty. So when my sisters were born they were, of course, adorable and grew to be extremely pretty, strong, Godly women. When I was born ten years after my oldest sister, I looked like any other baby only unlike my sisters who had straight hair and no hair at all (Jessy's came in around 2 1/2) I had strawberry blonde ringlets all over my head.
Growing up, my parents told me I was special, that I was gorgeous. This is something any little girl would LOVE to hear and, I did. My mother used to always say, "don't let this whole beauty thing go to your head" and I was careful to walk in humility. When I started school I specifically remember my parents telling me I was the prettiest in my class which seemed normal...I mean, all parents are bias, right? By that age, I was getting comments like, "Oh my goodness, are you a model?" and my parents were getting asked if they would let me be in photo shoots and such. Being the good parents that they are, they knew better than to raise a child star and quickly shot those offers down. Needless to say, humility was getting to be a pretty hard walk.
I've made it a point in my life to never once have the attitude of "Oh, well, I'm prettier than her anyways" and I always try to see God in everyone. I don't like stuck up girls because they get annoying to be around and I certainly don't want to be like that. But when it's been drilled into my head for seventeen years now that I have the body to model, hair any girl would die for, big eyes, and a wide smile it's hard to eat that slice of humble pie. Now I'm certainly not saying that I'm in love with myself. In no way do I see myself like that. What I am saying is that I see why I've gotten the comments I've gotten but I still have insecurities about my looks. My hair is way to frizzy, my nose looks huge when I'm not looking at someone straight on, I have no butt. And I'm learning to be okay with these things.
The reason I wouldn't want to do this to my kids isn't just because it's hard to stay humble. What's harder than that is to look in the mirror and know that the same beauty everyone sees now only has a few years left and accept that. It's scary to me to know that someday the only thing I'll have to rely on is inner beauty (which I know is much more important anyways) and being myself. I don't want that same fear for my children. Inner beauty is what counts, no matter how you look on the outside. It's what will be left behind in the end and what your eternity will be based on. I will tell my children they are beautiful, beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. Because that is what counts.
Proverbs 31:30-31
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
